im flying!! :D

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Tears {flew in at 2:15 AM

At the supper table with Alvin, Xueli, Jian han and myself last night, alvin said that I cry at everything - cry when I worship, when I'm touched, when I'm sad etc etc.... its true.

I teared when I saw this clip....

Monday, April 6, 2009

LOL {flew in at 10:05 AM

I needed a good good good laugh so much! Watched this at alvin's house when i stayed over... i laughed so hard, i rolled on the floor and then crawled out of the room to the balcony so I cant hear that guy say any more 10s....

Saturday, March 21, 2009

That is why {flew in at 5:50 PM

Its a few moments before I report for my last long flight - Athens 7 days. Everyone's asking me why am I quitting especially in this tight economic situation.

"Why not take 2 years unpaid leave?"
"Why not hang on until the situation improves?"
"If you stay a few more years, you'll get your five year gradutity"
"In fact, stay put a few more months and you'll get ur bonus!"

My mind is stubborn because my heart is set. I know exactly what I'm leaving behind - something that the Lord has meant for me for this period of time which is passing; a blessing that the Lord provided for me to pay my school fees; a job that lets me see the world; a job that lets me see more of myself and let go more of myself to Him.

I'm not perfect and I didn't say I'm ready for what is ahead. In fact, I dont think I'm obedient enough, I dont think I've given up enough, I dont think I let go enough. The road ahead of me seems unclear though I know its clear in His eyes.

I stand near the end of the path I've been walking for the past 2 years. It makes the end of a lifestyle I've chosen to step out of and the beginning of a new life in Him. I want to sing: I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back. But i'm afraid to make empty promises to the One I love. It is Him who has taken me into His hand, and it is Him who will keep me safe.

But at the end of the day, I know why - why I have to leave it all behind and take on His plan for my life. This is why.

We rode into town the other day
Just me and my Daddy
He said I'd finally reached that age
And I could ride next to him on a horse
That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting
And so we stopped to find out why
And there was that man
That my dad said he loved
But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said "Daddy, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is He dressed in that bright purple robe?
I'll bet that crown hurts Him more than He shows
Daddy, please can't you do something?
He looks as though He's gonna cry
you said he was stronger than all of those guys
addy, please tell me why
Why does everyone want him to die?"

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
And Daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy
Boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds
To a hill where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said, "Father, why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for My robe?
This crown of thorns hurts Me more than it shows
Father, please can't You do something?
I know that You must hear My cry
I thought I could handle the cross of this size
Father, remind Me why
Why does everyone want Me to die?
When will I understand why?"

"My precious Son, I hear them screaming
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
But soon I will clothe You in robes of My own
Jesus, this hurts Me much more than You know
But this dark hour I must do nothing
Though I've heard Your unbearable cry
The power in Your blood destroys all of the lies
Soon You'll see past their unmerciful eyes
Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why
She is why You must die"

Monday, January 12, 2009

Live {flew in at 7:23 AM

Live.

I want to live life like I'm liberated.

Today i was thinking... What does it mean to life the life you want to live? Exactly the way you want it...

Having both the POWER and the OPPORTUNITY to fulfill it?

Wait... does that mean I dont have to be bound by my parents' expectations concerning career, marriage, for some, studies and where to live or migrate or whatever....

And if that means I have the tenacity to overcome all fears in my life... fear of failure, fear of people's expectations, fear of maluuuuuuuuu.... fear of having no friends or loneliness, fear of persecution, fear of people misunderstanding your intentions.

And that means I'm not bound by sexual sins, not bound by childhood hurts, not bound by unforgiveness, not bound by pride, not bound by lethargy or by any other things...

Who will I be? What will I be doing?

--------------------------------------------------

I will be Kenny Rason Tan,

A man favored by God
Driven with a Spirit of excellence, giving my very best in all that I choose to take on
Guided by the Spirit of grace, not judging, not condemning, but making peace and reconciliation
Engulfed by a Spirit of love, that embraces each and everyone, popular or unpopular.
Humbled with a Spirit of servanthood, to esteem others above myself

Yes.
I want to be driven. To be guided. To be engulfed. And to be humbled constantly...

to excel, to be gracious, to love and demonstrate love, and to serve others.

The greatest call of God is not to ministry. It's to obedience.

Break the chains in my life and the bondages which bind me, that I may obey You Lord.

Monday, December 29, 2008

I dont yet understand what it means to be in God's ministry {flew in at 12:30 AM

I still dont understand what it means to be in God's ministry.

That its not just a task I decided to take on.
Not just a means of taking up my time
Must not be just doing something I enjoy
It cannot be to fulfill my self-ego
Nope, not to feel good about myself
Not cos it might be a good stepping stone
Its main motive cannot be just of learning
The motivation should not be I, me and myself.

And me needs to die. If the seed does not die, it does not live.

Then what is it about? What is God's ministry about?

The 'heavenly man' pastor would say its the essence of his life and if it should, it would lead to his death.
Pastor Rony would say its the story of his life and the legacy after his death.
My Vietnam missionary mentor would say God's ministry is plainly living life cos his life reflects the life of Christ.
Jesus would probably say its His mission and His passion.

What is God's ministry to me? Lord, what is Your ministry to me? What does Your call mean to me?

--------------------------------------------------

<>

For the praises of man
I will never ever stand
For the kingdoms of this world
I'll never give my heart away
Oh shout my praise
My allegiance and devotion
My heart's desire and all emotion
Go to serve the Man Who died upon that tree

Only a God like You Could be worthy of my praise
And all my hope and faith
To only a King of all kings
Do I bow my knee and sing
Give my everything
To only my Maker my Father my Savior, Redeemer, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder
To only a God like You Do I give my praise

Only the God Who left His throne above He came to live with us
Come to be one of us
To only the one
Who stopped to heal that blind man
Took the time to save that one lost lamb
To only the King Who wore that crown of thorns
So I could wear the crown of life
And to only the One Who conquered sin and death
So we could be set free So we could stand here and sing

------------------------------------------

At least i know the God I'm serving is worth every bit of my service. Yes He is.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Hide me away {flew in at 9:49 AM

Hide me away in Your arms, Lord.

Sometimes Kenny just needs to escape, to find refuge under His wings, to find solace in the midst of demands.

I'm not weary. I'm a little lost. Though I've never felt as found in Him as I have ever in my life, but I'm in a world that I'm not used to, a life that thats unfamiliar, landmarks which are unchartered and a work that is fresh and new.

The struggle of leaving your comfort zone is not just the desire to return, but facing the unfamiliarity and loneliness of the new grounds. I understand when they say 'its lonely at the top'. The feeling is like watching a thrilling blockbuster alone and trying to describe it with frens who are fans of romantic movies. I feel constipated sometimes. Or rather, the picture is like having shit in a toilet bowl but just waiting for the water tank to fill up so u can give it a good flush. Ha.... all of us have been in that situation. God's word burns within me.

Who can know my heart? Who can understand it even if I try my every best to explain it? Who can know the struggles I face? Who can know the intense desire burning within me? Who can understand the lost and found feeling within me? Who can understand that someone can feel so full and so hungry at the same time? Only the Lord.

You shall not have any of the share of the spoils, but your inheritance is the Lord. My consolation, my appreciation, my returns will only come from Him. Satisfy me Lord. Satisfy me till I want no more.

Thoughts from a spirit full of scars from wars
---------------------------------------

At the same time,

I thank God for alvin chia at this point of time, whom the Lord has placed in my life at this point of time, who shares the word in me and I appreciate the brotherly love he shows ever so readily.

I thank the friends God's bringing into my life at this point, slow as it might be. I shall be patient.

I thank God for giving me the strength to let go of the past and lay hold of hope. And for His word that says.... AND HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.

yes it does not.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The more I seek you {flew in at 7:06 PM

The more I seek you

the more I find you

The more I find you

the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet

drink from the cup in your hand

Lay back against you and breathe

feel your heart beat

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand

I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

It was so beautiful to hear Charlotte sing this - a woman of God with a quiet and gentle spirit. As Shuyi has said - the Lord has trapped us all. And its wonderful.

Friday, October 31, 2008

{flew in at 5:50 AM

ONE YEAR REVIEW!!!

Yes, I've finally been flying for a year now! Actually its one year and one month. Very soon they will be training me in Business Class. Many people been asking me whether I've traveled the whole world already... well i havent. But here are some places I have been to. And I must add...

All these, by the grace of God.

I've sat in the seat of David Beckham in Manchester Old Trafford Stadium

Cheered at the confrontational change of guard parade at the borders of Pakistan and India

Awed by the beauty of the architecture of St. Petersberg in Moscow

Stood at the same platform which St. Paul preached when he was in Athens

Snorkling in the clear waters of Maldives, making friends with sharks, nemos, mantel rays etc.

Having the BEST japanese food prepared by Japanese Chefs in Japan

Feeling small in front of the Buckingham Palace, West Ministerial Abbey and the London Eye.

Feeling child-like doing the rides in Disneyland LA...

Buying faceshop masks and having kimchi in Korea~!

Heavenly eat-till-u-explode tim sum time in Hongkong

Bought my LV wallet and lots of german saugages in Frankfurt

Touching the little mermaids' boobs in Denmark Copenhagen

Shopping and Feasting in the Night Markets in Taipei

Spending a cold cold christmas singing carols in Christchurch Cathedral

Enjoying the breathtaking nature of South Africa

Immersing myself in the Cheena culture at the Great Wall

Sunbathing nude at the nude beach in Perth, Australia

Visiting windmills and the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam

Pet and rode a camel in the desert dunes of Saudi Arabia

Yup... Thats all I've done for now. What I've yet to do - Go up the Effiel tower, Lean over the edge of the Leaning tower of Pisa, explore the pyramids, take the gondolas in Venice, Imagine the gladiators in the Colsseieum (or however its spelt), climb up the statue of liberty... etc etc.

God really granted me the desire of my heart when He gave me this job man....